


L'appel du Vide

by Watermelonsmellinfellon



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Before EP11 of SE1, Dissociation, Empathy, Hannibal Lecter Loves Will Graham, Hannibal is Will's Paddle, Introspection, M/M, Smitten Hannibal, Stress, Suicidal Ideation, pre-hannigram
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 11:28:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15773202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Watermelonsmellinfellon/pseuds/Watermelonsmellinfellon
Summary: “Everyone is unhappy to an extent. No one is ever truly at peace with themselves and I pick up on it so easily. And there is one common thing everyone has flitting through their minds. Even Jack and Alana. And that common thing is suicidal ideation. For someone like me… it isn’t pleasant to get assaulted with it at every turn.”“L’appel du vide,” commented Hannibal calmly and with understanding.





	L'appel du Vide

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hannigrammatic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hannigrammatic/gifts).



> -L'appel du vide means "Call of the Void". It refers to Suicidal Ideation. "[...] also known as suicidal thoughts, is thinking about or having an unusual preoccupation with suicide."- Wikipedia.
> 
> -This is my take on Will's empathy and mirror neurons being a lot stronger and humans being a bit more angsty.
> 
> -I had this title on a doc for months and just randomly started writing about half an hour ago.
> 
> -There is a pic at the end of the tattoo. I did that on an editor.

**A/N: Hello, people!**

**I don't own Hannibal.**

**I have no beta.**

**ENJOY!**

**CHECK ME OUT ON TUMBLR.[HELLY-WATERMELONSMELLINFELLON](http://helly-watermelonsmellinfellon.tumblr.com/).**

* * *

L’appel du Vide. 

Ever since Will was young, his mind practically embodied those words. But the thing about his version of suicidal ideation, was that it was never truly his own. Will had never considered suicide personally. Had never wanted to end his own life. Had never attempted to either. Even with everything he’d been through, suicide held no appeal. But he still contemplated suicide all the same.

With a mind like Will’s it was far too easy to slip into the minds of everyone else. His mirror neurons worked quintuple time to make him a near exact copy of anyone he came into contact with. And meeting the windows to someone’s soul made it all the worse. Will could practically hear their thoughts as much as he felt their emotions, and it was frustrating and left him constantly on edge ironically.

In the mind of another, Will would fantasize to the extreme on different ways to commit suicide. And with an imagination like Will’s, the detail was extravagant and enough to make him wonder if perhaps he should have taken up film directing once upon a time. The morbidity seeping from his very being would have no doubt translated well to the big screen.

One time, on a total whim, Will had gotten a tattoo across his shoulders. He remembered the day he’d requested the quote and the gothic font he’d chosen for it which would span from shoulder to shoulder. He remembered the man’s raised eyebrow when he saw the picture Will had brought along for reference.

And when he asked what it meant, Will’s answer had him blanching whiter than any shade Will had ever been before.

The call of the void. Suicidal Ideation.

He had unnerved the man during the three appointments he’d had, but Will hadn’t cared back then. So long as the job was done, he didn’t mind if the man thought him a possible risk to himself or even other people.

And Will had those very words tattooed just below the nape of his neck, and felt secure with them. As if to remind himself that no, this wasn’t his design. This was the designs shared by so many others who simply wanted escape from their pain and sorrows. Designs Will could see so easily.

The mark served as a reminder that Will was of his own mind and that he wasn’t anyone else. That while his life may revolve around the minds and feelings of others, they were not him. Sometimes it was difficult to differentiate at times, but then he would feel a tingle in the tattoo and remember himself along the way.

So strange that the one person in the world who probably thought about suicide more than anyone else ever could or would, wasn’t interested in the least. But his empathy was so strong that often times he caught himself going through with the scenes in his mind.

Crafting a noose, standing on his roof, holding an entire bottle worth of painkillers in his hand, and even blinking awake to find the cool press of a knife against his most important veins.

He had scars from the scratches that he’d managed to inflict upon himself whilst wading in the mind of another.

No one understood. He tried to explain. He personally did not want to die. He didn’t personally romanticize the idea of suicide. But his mind strode that path anyway, because of everyone else.

It was a difficult existence being everyone and no one all at once.

* * *

Hannibal knew Will was special from their first meeting. The more he learned about the other man, the more entranced he became until he realized that he was addicted to Will like he’d never been to anyone before.

And it pleased him to note that Will seemed comfortable in his presence compared to others. Even when he tried to keep Hannibal at a physical and emotional distance, he was still more at ease than he was with other people around him.

The observation was announced during one of their sessions, and Will’s face flushed prettily as he murmured something along the lines of Hannibal _‘being harder to read than most’_.

At first he thought that had meant in terms of his persona, but no.

Will elaborated one day, many weeks after that session. This time in Hannibal’s dining room and far more at ease than he ever had been before of course. His atrocious red and blue plaid shirt suited him so well and Hannibal was smitten even though he was offended by the horrible pairing of it with khaki colored trousers.

“The mirror neurons and pure empathy are stressful when everyone around you seems to share the most common thought and emotional pattern.”

He’d taken an obviously fortifying gulp of wine, not even bothering to scent it properly. “Everyone is unhappy to an extent. No one is ever truly at peace with themselves and I pick up on it so easily. And there is one common thing everyone has flitting through their minds. Even Jack and Alana. And that common thing is suicidal ideation. For someone like me… it isn’t pleasant to get assaulted with it at every turn.”

“L’appel du vide,” commented Hannibal calmly and with understanding.

Hannibal knew who he was, what he wanted in life, and felt no shame for his interests or preferences. He was content with himself, which was something Will wasn’t used to. Hannibal offered Will a form of silence he’d never experienced before, which was why he felt more at peace with Hannibal.

That fact alone could have made the good doctor purr with pleasure. And his longing to bring Will even closer and fill him up with understanding and serenity was almost overbearing.

The desire was kindled even more that evening. Hannibal saw Will’s potential and the beautiful creature he was becoming.

Peace in the void was a necessity first and foremost though. Hannibal would be the paddle that lead him to the very center of it all, and the voice that kept him afloat until he could do so on his own with content.

Will would be beautiful.

 

* * *

****

**A/N: Done!**

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**CHECK ME OUT ON TUMBLR.[HELLY-WATERMELONSMELLINFELLON](http://helly-watermelonsmellinfellon.tumblr.com/).**

**Author's Note:**

> CHECK OUT MY MANY OTHER HANNIGRAM FICS! ^-^


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